It's a Question of What You Give Your Focus To

I've been quiet blog wise the last week or two. Life was mostly busy with the celebration of my firstborn's third birthday, which was so much fun, because this year he "gets" the hoopla. In fact, he thinks that every Tuesday is his birthday at the moment. All wants and desires are prefaced with "maybe after nappy? On my birthday, on Tuesdays?" I tell you, moments I want to hug him tight and tell him to "full stop" getting any older than this magical age! That is until the next tantrum, because his burgeoning will has been thwarted by the tyrannical Mother Overlord. In those moments, I'm projecting forward 20 years and hoping like hell I've made the right decisions to help him come out the other end with both of our sanity in tact.

The other event that had me taking a mental retrenching was my parents complete obliviousness to said three year old's birthday. Long and painful episode vastly edited and truncated, I have had to dig deep to realize that their actions are their actions and choices alone, and to further call upon my faith to find compassion and let that rule my regard for the situation. I'm vastly grateful and proud frankly that it didn't plunge me back into the abyss of depression, and that I credit to will and grace (not the TV show). Simply put, I'm moving on. I choose to focus on something else.

Something I'm focusing on this week in my goal to be more present for my family is taming the lure of constant connectivity. This week in honor of Earth Day, I've taken the Great TV Rebellion of 2010 Pledge, and I'm also using it as the official start of more organized homeschooling activities in our household. I'll share what we are up to as we go along on this new journey. Want to join us this week in turning off the TV and electronics and tuning into the outdoors and your children? Head here.

So, if I'm quiet, you know what I'm up to. The TV will be a cinch...Twitter, now that's gonna hurt :)

On Turning Three: Happy Birthday Big Kidlet

My "baby" is turning three. He's becoming his own little person. Things are changing, and I'm trying to roll with it, and not tremendously gracefully I might add. When he was a young toddler, he used to sit in my lap nightly as I rocked and asked me to keep singing. Now, when I start to sing randomly during our day, more often than not, he turns to me indignantly and commands me: "Don't sing mommy, don't siiiiiiiiinnnnnggg!" Really? Already? I thought I had a few more years of being the coolest thing since...oh wait...that would be his father. In a myriad other ways he's already starting to pull away from me...and wait, I need a tissue.

Maintaining connection to him has been tough; I barely have a connection to myself right now. But I'm trying. I'm focusing on doing "projects" together when his brother is napping, and I think he really enjoys the unfiltered one on one time. Even though "I do it my-SELF" can be heard at least ten times per day (on a good day), I have noted the tone of happiness when we sit down and work on something and he asks me "we do it TO-gether, mommy?" It makes me happy to. It's doesn't come naturally to me, but it seems to get a little easier with practice.

In honor of my Big Kidlet's birthday, I want to list the things that I love about this kid. He really is such a blessing to me, and I pray everyday that I don't squander the gift that is him.

I love...

• the things that come out of his mouth right after he wakes up...easily the sweetest, funniest, and most insightful things he says all day;
• his skin, it's so, so soft, just like The Husband's. Seriously women pay big money to get skin like this;
• his eyelashes...see above...it's really pretty unfair;
• his imagination...I love to listen to him in his bed on the monitor;
• his zest, and oh I pray I help him keep it;
• that he loves books like his mama;
• that he wants to help;
• that he asks questions;
• that he loves his grandparents, and my sister-in-law, even when I don't;
• that he points out trucks everywhere we go;
• that he is a "good sleeper";
• his laugh;
• that he has a sense of humor (he'll need it);
• that he loves breakfast like I do;
• that he's starting to dance;
• that he can carry a tune;
• that he hums when I hug him like I do;
• that he goes down stairs cautiously and tells me "I be careful, mommy";
• that he has a tremendous memory (although this can be a challenge);
• that he doesn't complain, and rarely whines (I know this could change);
• that he stands up for himself;
• his eyes, and incredibly his eyebrows, which are the mirror image of mine;
• that he seems to have an independent streak, and I pray that he is more at peace with it than I have ever been;
• his naked bottom as he is streaking down the hallway to his bath.

I love this child. I give thanks to God for this child, and ask forgiveness every single time I fail him.

As I have often prayed since his birth, I pray that he grows in character, courage, compassion, and conviction.

Happy Birthday Big Kidlet!

Love,

The Mother

Photo by eddiandizosmom