Show Don't Tell

Actions speak louder than words.

I had one of those "I'm a crap mother" days today. I've had an uncomfortable number of those lately. You know the ones: when you finally get your kid into bed and you feel about as good about yourself and your mothering as disgusting gum on the bottom of your shoe, and have a strong impulse to get yourself into the confessional booth (even though you're not Catholic), and better yet, if they could flog you a little bit, you feel that would be richly deserved. Yeah, that kind of day.

I wish I could simply say, "that's life with a nearly three year old," but I fear that places the blame in the wrong place. Sure, my kid is a "spirited" toddler, with a wicked stubborn streak (wonder where he got that from), but honestly, he's a good kid. He's really sweet-natured. He just wants me to show him that I'm interested in him and what he's doing. When he doesn't get that enough, he finds ways to get my attention, any attention will do.

Now visualize that old Ram truck commercial, where two rams crash violently into each other. Yeah, it was that kind of day.

Tonight at dinner, when my kid flung food on the floor (again), and said the obligatory "sorry, Mommy," after much cajoling from his dad, I told him, I'm ashamed to say more than a little passive aggressively, "actions speak louder than words." If he was really sorry, he wouldn't do it anymore. Gee, great job Mom! When you had him repeat the words back to you, and he got stuck on the word "louder," and each time you said "louder" trying to get him to say it, he just kept repeating "speak" in a louder voice, that should have been a clue.

Yeah mom, actions DO speak louder than words!

I sat by his crib tonight and apologized, held his hands, and told him I loved him.

He forgave me with his words. I hope his actions tell me he truly forgives his very flawed mom.

• Micro goal: I will spend more one on one time with Big Kidlet
• Macro goal: I will show him I love him as much as I tell him I love him

Photo Courtesy of fudj

Houston We Have A Headache

I have a headache tonight, a bad one (for me). There went the plans to open the Wii games and fit stuff and start exploring tonight once the kids were (finally) in bed. Before that (last night), the baby decided, nope, nothing but mama's arms will do, and don't even think about venturing more than inches away from me. He's only four months old, I cut him a break. And then there were husbandly needs to attend to, so some goals were being attended to, just not the one I wanted to. And before that (last week) I've had some sort of strange cold yet not a cold thing. And before that... you get the picture. When I get motivated to get moving more consistently, with intent and purposeful determination, invariably it's something like this that crops up to at the very least slow my progress, if not outright derail it. Pardon my swearing in texting language, but WTF?!

I know, I know, perseverance and determination. Yes, Scarlet, "tomorrow is another day."

Photo courtesy of Illusory Reasoning (but only in my mind)