I'm Known, But Sometimes I Would Just Rather Be Liked

I had a little light bulb moment today, aided by an article by a psychotherapist on the topic of relational communication. Don't stop reading because it sounds to nerdy and technical, because this article really has some very good nuggets to think about, and applies to everyone.

As I have written about previously, I struggle with relationships, and it is a source of immense frustration and continuing pain for me. It's particularly bewildering because I have struggled to understand why, and it's all to easy and tempting to think I must be flawed somehow. But this article had some insights that have begun to shed some constructive light on this issue for me.

The article entitled, "Would You Rather Be Known or Liked?", describes two types of individuals based on how they prefer to relate to others. Those who would rather be liked are invested in keeping their relationships peaceful, stressing commonalities, and they shy away from really revealing how they may feel about things in a effort to preserve this peace. Those who would rather be known, on the other hand, crave real and authentic conversations, even when there is disagreement, and they declare their positions to see how others will react.

The problems arise when a "liked" and a "known" are trying to communicate, and the article offers some useful tips for both types to carry on with the other.

What are your thoughts. Are you in the "liked" camp, or the "known" camp more predominantly? Considering your current relationships, do you think this is a factor in whom you feel most drawn to, or frustrated by?

Photo by shadphotos

The Big Picture: Setting Goals

Happy New Year!

Kicking it off. Step one: Goals. This is a tricky area. They tell you when making goals you should be specific and realistic. I have no problem with the specific. I like lists...ALOT...gloriously micromanaging kinds of lists! I like lists and checking them off so much in fact, I actually will add things I've already done and perhaps neglected to write down, JUST so I can check them off. Do you do that? My husband does to, but it's hard to tell if that is just our peculiar neurotic need for accomplishment.

Disclosure: we've been together for eighteen years, so sometimes it seems we've merged into one person, with one brain. Really it's freaky! We think the same stuff at the same time on a daily basis; "get out of my head" is a common phrase heard in my house because one of us will say almost exactly the same thing the other of us was thinking at that same moment. It's not a bad thing, but I'm just sayin, it's hard to tell if what we do is what others do, or just our own little domestic freak show.

So, as I said, I like the list element of goal setting, but I tend to bite off a little more than I can chew. I don't do "realistic" well. And then I feel horrible because I haven't been able to check it off. So, I'm going to list some "macro" goals, which are really general "principle" goals, and some "micro" goals, which are essentially the nuts and bolts of accomplishing the macro goals. Did I mention I also have an over-thinking thing? But, you know, you've got to work with who you are, and strive to be the best version of YOU, crazy tics and all.

So here is my list. There is of course a back story behind each one, and we'll get to that as we go along.

• Macro Goals 2010

1. Let go of old "stuff" (literal and figurative)
2. Do some restoration and renovation on the "temple," aka my body, brain, and soul
3. Be present and in the moment for my family
4. Tackle fear

What are your macro goals?

Next up, setting micro goals.

Photo and presumably goals courtesy of authenticeducator